


When He Wasn't

by Digital_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A lot of Hurt!Castiel going on here, AU, Angst, Bullshit ending, Jealous!Crowley, M/M, Out of Character for Some Characters, Past Crowley/Castiel, Supportive!John, alternative universe, character death but not really, protective!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Digital_Trash/pseuds/Digital_Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is waiting on his boyfriend at a restaurant only to soon realize he had been stood up. Dean notices him across the room and decided to save him from the embarrassment of leaving by himself and without ordering.</p><p>(I suck at summaries :P)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Were There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a cute one-shot that's saves you the pain of the whole story, only read the first chapter!

It had been a while since Castiel had gone out with his boyfriend Crowley. He was super excited to go as it was the first time they'd had a Christmas date. It wasn't the 25th quite yet, but he was still happy that they would finally get to go out for the holidays. They had planned to go out to a restaurant, set to meet at 6 pm. 

6:15  
Castiel didn't think much of the fact he was behind 15 minutes, Crowley was usually 15 to 20 minutes late anywhere he went. 

6:30  
By this time, the waitress had come by at least 4 times. Cas let out a sigh as he simply asked for more of his drink. He had figured it out in his head that by now, Crowley had stood him up. The waitress and some of the other customers must have noticed it too as they gave him apologetic looks as if they had been in his current situation before.

6:45  
Cas was thinking of getting up and leaving by now. He probably should have left 15 minutes ago but had decided that maybe Crowley didn't ditch him and had just had a busy day. 

Right as the waitress was coming back once again, a man ran up to the table and quickly sat down. Cas stared at him in surprise for a second before the man spoke up. 

"Sorry I'm way late babe, my boss was on my ass all day." He said right before the waitress got to the table. "Hello, my name is Jasmine, I'll be your waitress today. Are you ready to order?" She asked politely as she wore a smile of relief for Castiel. 

The mysterious man with dirty blonde hair and bright emerald green eyes spoke rather quickly. "Ah yes, I'll have the 11 ounce Sirloin with a loaded baked potato on the side. Medium-Well. What do you want babe?" He asked looking up at Cas. 

Cas's thoughts were still rather scrambled since the whole scene had happened so fast. "I- uh, I'll have the same" He finished quickly. The waitress nodded and smiled as she walked away.

"Hey my name is Dean just go with it okay? Honestly, whoever didn't bother to show up is a dick and doesn't deserve you." Dean said.

"No no, it's fine. I'm Castiel, I guess I should be thanking you for saving me the embarrassment of leaving because my boyfriend stood me up. Again." Cas replied and looked into his lap as the last word rolled off his tongue.

"Shit that blows, I'm really sorry man." The Dean stated. "It's not your fault, I probably should have left Crowley a long time ago." Cas replied. 

"Yeah well, Crowley's a dick. Regardless of whatever you decided to do. Anyway, how about we talk about something else? I don't think my boyfriend should be sad while we're out together." Dean said with a smile. Cas could feel a blush begin to grow on his face. "I'd like that." The blue eyed male replied with a shy smile.

★☆★☆★

"So how does a guy like you end up in a place like this?" Dean asked, taking a sip of his Coke. "What do you mean?" Cas asked, rather confused. "I mean, your obviously smart and caring. I guess you just seem like someone who would like to settle down and live with someone for rest of their life." Dean said. 

"Well it was like that at first, Crowley wasn't always the dick he his now, he was different. When his business took off he got caught up in the money and I guess he got lost. Especially when we're in a big city like New York." Cas explained.

"Well he must be blind because I don't know how someone could get lost in a random city after getting lost in those stunning blue eyes." Dean stated, getting a little flushed. 

Cas felt his face warm up as a smile tugged at his lips. "You're just saying that." Cas replied. "No I'm serious, you have beautiful eyes Cas." Dean rebutted. "Cas?" the bright eyed male asked. "Yeah, Castiel is kind of a mouthful. I hope you don't mind." Dean replied. "Cas...I like it" Cas stated.

The whole night had unfolded perfectly, for both of them; almost as if it came straight out of a movie. Dean insisted on paying full price for dinner and escorted Cas outside.

"So, I guess this is goodbye?" Dean asked rather sadly. "Well-" "You took a cab didn't you? Let me at least give you a ride home." Dean said, interrupting Castiel. "I don't want to be a bother, I can just take a cab back home." Cas replied. "You are not a bother Castiel Novak." Dean said. "I...I guess it's alright then." Cas stated.

"Great!" Dean said rather quickly as he started walking to his way of transportation. Soon, revealed to be a motorcycle. Dean tossed a helmet to Cas as he proceed to put on his own. "Ever been on a motorcycle before?" Asked the green eyed man. "Uh, no" Cas replied. "Well this will be fun." Dean stated half-sarcastically. "Just get on and hold on to me tightly." Dean said. Cas nodded and did exactly that.

Dean turned the ignition and the motorcycle roared to life. He pulled out of the parking lot and began speeding down the road. He could feel Cas tense and tighten his grip around his waist. "Try to relax." Dean yelled, trying to get Cas to hear him above all the noise of New York.

In what seemed like seconds, they were walking into Cas's apartment building. Dean walked Cas to his apartment. "Thanks for tonight Dean, I had an amazing time." Cas said with an obvious blush. "Anytime Cas. Hey uh, do you happen to have a pen?" Dean asked. "Oh sure hold on." Cas replied as he ran inside to grab a pen.

Cas handed the pen to Dean and the Winchester took his hand. "So we both had a great time," Dean started as he wrote something on Cas's hand. "I think we should hang out some other time." He finished. Cas looked at his palm to see 10 digits and proceeded to smile. "I'd like that." Cas replied.

Dean looked up to the ceiling as if trying to figure out what to say. When his eyes stayed on the ceiling, Cas looked up as well. 

There was a mistletoe above their heads. They looked back at each other, blushing. They stared into the other's eyes before they seemed to gravitate towards each other. 

Their heads tilted before their lips met. The kiss was soft and gentle. Cas's rather chapped lips were completely opposite to Dean's soft plump lips. The kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Both of them could feel the other's heart racing. The heat and loss of oxygen built up quickly. They pulled apart panting. 

Dean leaned in close to Cas's ear. "Call me..." He whispered. "I wouldn't have it any other way." Cas responded


	2. They Were Supportive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Threats are made to Dean and Castiel's new relationship.

Cas texted Dean for the rest of the night, causing him to lose a lot of sleep. Even after their conversation had finished, he had thought about what Dean had said. If Crowley got lost so easily in money and power, was it worth it? He never showed up for dates. He almost never talked to Cas anymore, not even to say hi. He couldn't even remember the last time they'd even had a conversation longer than 2 minutes. He couldn't remember the last time they'd said 'I love you.' All these thoughts crowded his head before he fell asleep.

Cas woke up to find Crowley in his apartment the next morning. "What are you doing here Crowley?" Cas asked, annoyance clear in his voice. "A little bird told me someone filled in my spot at dinner." Crowley said without looking at the recently awoken man.

"I don't think you care much if you didn't even bother to show up." Cas rebutted. "Listen to me Castiel. This so called Dean Winchester had no right to take my place! Regardless of whether I showed up or not!" Crowley had now gotten into Cas's personal space, his voice filled with threat.

"How did you know who he is?" Cas asked, trying to keep his voice steady. Crowley's face grew a smile. "You care about the little bastard." He simply said, amusement in his voice. "Oh Cassie, your standards have dropped so much. It's almost sad." He continued.

"I swear Crowley if you lay a finger on him I'll-" "You'll what Castiel? Hm? You'll call the cops on me?" Crowley asked, practically mocking him. "I have power, I have money. I can pay off any of those piss ants. You can't do anything to me Castiel. I'm untouchable. Best case scenario, you get a restraining order if you're lucky." He continued.

There was a long pause. "Get out." Cas muttered. "What was that Cassie?" Crowley taunted. "I said GET OUT!" Cas yelled, his eyes filled with anger.

"As you wish." Crowley said calmly as he walked towards the door. He paused as the began to turn the doorknob. "You have three days. After that you better hope Winchester has a passport. Both him and his brother." The door slammed as he left. 

With the final comment, Cas flipped the coffee table. Papers went everywhere, vases were broken, holes where almost punched in the walls. He couldn't understand why Crowley was so possessive when he was never there. His eyes were stinging, he wanted to be with Dean but he wanted to keep him safe. He knew he'd never be able to do both.

He heard a low buzzing. He found the source to be his phone.

4 Messages. 2 Missed calls. 

As he looked, he realized it was now 11:57. He had woken up around 10. Did he really spend that much time fighting with Crowley? He asked himself. 

He was quickly pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. Cas made his way to the entrance and opened his door. Dean was on the other side.

"Hey Cas s- Cas are you okay?" Dean's tone changed quickly from happiness to concern. "I...Everything is fine." Cas said, turning to Dean in and quickly wiping angry tears from his face.

"Cas what happened, why is the place a mess? Why are your eyes red?" Dean asked, looking around. "Nothing, everything is fine. I just, tripped over the coffee table this morning and things went everywhere. As for my red eyes, I always wake up with them." Cas responded calmly, adding a yawn to simulate that he had just awoken. 

Dean eyed him dubiously, looking for anything that was off in his facial features. After a few long seconds, he spoke up. "Why don't you go sit on the couch and I make you something to eat. Burgers okay?" Dean asked. Cas nodded and sighed in relief when Dean disappeared into the kitchen.

It took a surprisingly short time for Dean to get some burgers made for the both of them. By now, the room had been half-cleaned up and not entirely uninhabitable. "I didn't know you could cook." Cas stated as Dean walked over with two burgers and a pair of beers. "Yeah, my dad is big on grilling and he showed me some tricks." He replied. Cas simply smiled and picked up his burger. Dean stared at him as he took a bite, examining his facial features. Cas's eyes went wide as soon as he took a bite. "Ohmygosh" he said, with his mouth still full. 

He looked over to Dean only to find him with a big smile on his face at this point. As soon as he swallowed, Cas hummed in delight. "This, is officially the best burger I have ever had. Thank you for existing." He said, a smile quickly growing on his face. "You are very welcome." Dean replied, smiling as well. 

"So Dean, how does a guy like you end up in a place like this." Cas said, imitating his tone from last night, along with a small laugh at the end. Dean let out a chuckle "Well," he paused, clear that he would be using Cas's tone from the previous night. 

"I moved up here with my dad and brother after my mom died. Sammy was only 6 months old at the time and I was 4 so the actual moving didn't effect us much really. My dad wasn't the same but he wasn't horrible to be a single father raising two boys. He became a mechanic and I don't know, I kinda grew up in it but my brother wanted something more, he wanted to become a lawyer, and he's making it. He's at Stanford right now actually. Me and my dad are proud of him, but I think my dad secretly preferred him in mechanics you know? Helping people, fixing things, the family business." Dean explained.

"I'm sorry about your mother." Cas said. "It's fine, yeah it hurt to see her go but I think it doesn't effect me as much as it used to." Dean replied.

There was a short pause. "So, anyway that was my life. I'm more interested in yours before a certain dickbag though, care to share?" Dean asked. The younger male sighed. 

"I have 4 brothers, from oldest to youngest its Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, Gabriel and then I'm the youngest. Somehow we made it, not entirely sure how if I'm completely honest. I'm the oddball obviously, being gay and all. My dad and brothers were okay with it, but my mother didn't take it well. She left shortly after that, leaving my dad to take care of us. Lucky for him, Michael had a job at that point and Lucifer and Raphael were in college. So in reality he only had to take care of Gabriel and I. At that point though, Gabriel was a senior and I was a junior. It went pretty well after that, I mean I'm finishing my last year in college so I guess my life isn't as bad as it could be. " Cas finished. 

"Yeah, I have a feeling we've barely scratched the surface with each other." Dean said. "Oh yeah, definitely." Cas confirmed. The older man laughed.

"Hey Cas," Dean said. "Hey Dean." Cas replied. "I know this is kind of a dumb question at this point but. Would you like to be my boyfriend?" He asked, his face growing slightly red. "Of course." Cas answered with a smile. 

Dean felt his lips curve into a smile and leaned in. The younger male closed the gap between them and met the older one's lips. The kiss was short but passionate. Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder and threw a blanket around them as they watched TV for the rest of the day. 

Though he seemed enthusiastic, a dark thought kept tugging at the back of Cas's mind. What did Crowley mean by 'you have three days.'


	3. I'm Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets Dean's side of the family and they later face a hurdle in their relationship when they ignore Crowley's threats.

★☆ A Few Days Later ☆★

It had been a few days since Crowley had encountered Castiel. Though he promised threat, he never showed. At this point Cas and Dean were a happy couple and they were set to meet Dean's father that night. 

Castiel had been nervous about meeting the older male's father. Dean had provided comfort for Castiel many times, or at least tried to. In the end, Dean managed to convince Cas that his dad wouldn't try to kill him. 

"But what if he doesn't like me?" Cas called from the bedroom. "It'll be fine, he'll love you" Dean replied. He walked into the bedroom, finding Cas trying to get his necktie right. Dean took it, and pulled him in for a quick kiss before tying it. "If I know anything about my father, it's that even if you somehow mess up when you first meet him, he will keep an open mind. Plus, Sammy will be there too so don't feel so pressured." Dean continued. 

Cas smiled shyly at Dean and they both went to finish getting dressed. 

"Ready?" Dean asked. "Ready." Cas replied. The older male leaned down for a quick kiss before leading out the building and into the Impala. 

When they got to the restaurant, they made their way to their table only to find Dean's father and brother already there. "Hey Dad." Dean said with a smile as he went to give the older man a hug. "Sammy! I've missed you! How's Stanford?" Dean continued as he went to hug the younger Winchester. "It's been great, everything is great." 

"So, as you both might of guessed by now, this is Cas." Dean said with a smile as he put an arm around Cas's waist. Dean felt him relax under his grasp. "Hello Castiel, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm John." He stated as he extended his hand. Cas took it and shook. "The pleasure's all mine Mr. Winchester." Cas replied. "Please, just John." He stated. "Hey Cas." Sam said as he extended his hand out as well. "Hello Sam." Cas replied as he copied the motion with Sam.

After ordering, they all sat in silence before John spoke up. "So Cas, Dean told us you are still in college," He paused. "Yes, I'm finishing my last year." Cas replied. "May I ask what you're studying for?" John asked. "Well I decided I wanted to study to become pediatrician" Cas stated. "It suits you. From what Dean has bragged about you anyway." John said.

Dean blushed at his father's comment. "Dad I don't brag about him." He stated. "Dean don't be ridiculous he's all you talk about when you visit." John rebutted. Dean then proceed to mutter something that sounded like 'Dad you're embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend.' It was obvious that at this point that Sam was barley holding in his laughter. 

Castiel, though amused, decided to have mercy and changed the subject. "Sam, you're in college too right?" He asked. "I am, Law school." Sam replied. "Well, if I ever need a lawyer I'll know where to find one." Cas joked. 

The rest of the night went pleasantly for the new family. As they lost track of time, the restaurant only became more empty. Finally, John and Sam had to make their way out. Leaving Dean and Cas to themselves. They only stayed for maybe an extra half hour before leaving.

"I'm gonna head for the restroom I'll meet you outside." Cas said, as he was leaving for the bathroom. "Alright babe, I'll be waiting in the car."

Dean left the inside of the restaurant and checked his phone as he headed for the Impala. Right before he opened the car door he was suddenly jerked back.

His back had been driven into the brick wall and his phone was now on the ground, shattered. Dean groaned as an excruciating pain grew in the back of his head. He opened his eyes to find a slightly shorter man. "Dean Winchester. At least Cas has the decency of picking someone who doesn't have completely horrible features." It was obvious the man was British, his voice was rather raspy. 

"Let me guess, you're Crowley." Dean remarked. "Smart cookie, at least Cas hasn't dropped in intelligence standards." Crowley replied. "I gotta say, I pictured you taller. I can't believe Cas lasted as long as he did with you." Dean spat smartly. 

Crowley slammed Dean roughly against the brick wall again. "Watch it Winchester. You have no idea what I'm capable of." Crowley threatened. Dean groaned again. "What are you going to do? Slam me against this wall forever? It seems to me that it's all you can manage." Dean rebutted. 

"Boys, take care of this scum. You can dump him on the side." Crowley said as he slammed him again and dropped him on the ground. Two large men came and picked up the blond, dragging him to the side of the building. Sounds of agony could be heard before they finally left him half unconscious on the ground.

Castiel walked out of the restaurant as a black GMC left the scene rather quickly. He looked into the black Chevy Impala only to find it empty. "Dean?" He called. Castiel was only met with silence. "Dean!?" At this point Castiel was in full panic mode. He yelled and ran around the parking lot trying to find his partner.

A tiny voice could be heard nearby. Along with a heavy cough. "Cas." A weak voice called out. "Dean!" Cas yelled and ran towards the voice. He found his partner leaning against the wall beaten harshly. Blood was dripping from his head, his nose, and was mixed with his saliva.

Cas quickly ran towards him and scooped him up as gently as possible while in a hurry. "What happened!?" He asked with a shaky voice as he ran towards the Impala. Dean struggled to get any sound out. He only managed to get a weak "Crowley" out before he began coughing harshly once more.

"It's going to be okay. I'm going to get you to a hospital. You'll be okay Dean." Cas said in a shaky voice while lowering the older man into the backseat of the impala. Castiel's foot seemed to practically go through the bottom of the car as he slammed the accelerator. Backing out the of the restaurant, Cas made sure to keep an eye on Dean. Instead of taking the average 30 minute drive to the hospital, Castiel made it in 12.

He quickly stepped out and got Dean out of the back and ran inside. "HELP! I NEED A DOCTOR!" He yelled as soon as he entered through the doors. A nurse began to call out and soon a team of nurses and Doctors took Dean and placed him on the hospital bed. "Sir you have to stay here." A nurse said when Castiel tried to follow the horde of nurses around the blond.

He hadn't noticed the tears rolling down his cheeks until Dean was out of his arms. He went to clean up the blood off of him and left his stained trench coat in the Impala.

A nurse approached him. "Sir, I know you must be going through some things but if you don't mind we need as much information on the patient and the accident as you can give us." She said calmly. Castiel nodded and sighed as he wiped a fresh tear from his face. "What happened to the patient?" She asked. "I...I don't know. I walked out of the restaurant and found him like that. I don't know what happened to him." He answered. The nurse nodded and proceeded to question him on his personal information. 

Soon after the nurse finished  a very long questioning with Castiel, John and Sam were running into the waiting room. Cas looked down when he saw them run in. "Cas, what happened?" Sam asked. "It's my fault." He whispered, his voice cracking. "Cas? What happened to Dean?" Sam tried to stay calm, in hope to keep the shorter male calm as well. "I...I wasn't there and this happened. I shouldn't have left him alone." Cas continued in a whimpering whisper. "Cas what are you-" a nurse came by and began speaking, interrupting Sam. "He's doing better. You can come visit him but only two in the room at a time please." She said. Sam looked back at Castiel. "You guys go. I'll wait." He whispered, his head never moving to look up. 

Reluctantly, Sam left him in his seat. It was a fair amount of time before both of the Winchesters came back. "He wants to see you Castiel." John said. Cas nodded and got up. He was directed to Dean's room by a nurse and then left before Cas entered through the open door.

"Dean?" Cas called. "Cas," Dean breathed out softly. "Come here." He continued. Castiel walked over to the hospital bed, pulling up a chair close. "I'm so sorry." Cas said. "Cas, you didn't do anything. Don't apologize." Dean said. "Exactly. I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything to help you Dean. You got hurt because of me." Cas rebutted, his voice cracking near the end. 

"You didn't know anything would happen, it isn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself." Dean said as he leaned over to kiss the top of Cas's head. "I'm going to be okay, and I'm going to fix this. You don't need to worry. I'll keep up my guard next time and you won't have to worry about him anymore." Dean said, trying to comfort the younger male.

"I'm trying not to break down. You won't always be able to protect me and I'll have to  protect you as well. I'll improve myself to keep both of us safe too." Cas said as he finally looked into Dean's eyes. They seemed like emeralds shining in the dull glow of the room. Dean chuckled and sprouted a smile. Castiel look at him confused as his laughter grew. "Cas when will you learn? You're already perfect." Dean said. 

"You've been through a lot and I don't expect anymore out of you. All I expect is for you to be happy and trust me when I say we'll build a life together." He continued. "You don't need to improve yourself. You're flawless. You're my flawless beautiful angel and no one can take you away from me for as long as I live."

Cas's ocean blue eyes began to form tears. He was overworked at all the love Dean had suddenly poured out. It stung because he's never felt that way, but it was also a beautiful feeling because he knew deep down, that Dean meant it full heartedly. 

The dark haired male leaned his head on the hospital bed and began to weep. He was overwhelmed with so many emotions at one time. He had been absorbing the blows for far too long that a few words of genuine love, tore him down. 

The blond placed his hand on his head and began to pet him softly. Hoping it would provide him wth any sort of comfort. He was close enough to give him a kiss on the top of his head before Cas eventually fell asleep in the chair.


	4. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Cas's side of the family. (Pretty much the only thing that goes on here other than some fluff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might be a little late. I'm behind schedule and I literally just finished this chapter like 5 minutes ago. I'm extremely tired and feel like my head was just stripped of all my imagination but that might just be from it being 2 am lol.
> 
> The chapter might not be late but if it is don't be surprised.

Dean got out of the hospital with a few minor injuries a few days later. They had managed to convince the doctors to let him off early and proceeded to drive home with Cas that night.

In the morning Dean woke up surprisingly early. Well, surprisingly early for him anyway. He looked over to find Cas snoring softly. Dean smiled and quickly took a picture on his new phone to tease Cas about later. 

Since the incident, Cas had been acting a little off. Almost as if he had been holding himself back. Dean tried shaking it off as he normally would, but he couldn't seem to feel that something was wrong. At the very least, Cas had to just be a little fazed, or at least it seemed so to Dean. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a groan and the bed shifting. He looked back at Cas to see his eyes slowly opening, trying to adjust to the light. 

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty."

Cas's reply was simply a set of groans and aimless grabbing at the sheets before finally managing to actually sit up. 

"What time is it?" He asked while squinting to keep the light out of his eyes. "7:13" Dean replied. "7:13? Isn't it a little early for you to be awake?" Cas asked as he began to stretch. 

There was a silence between them. It was rather long but Cas didn't seem to notice as he was still a little dazed from waking up as he headed to the bathroom.

"I have a job too you know. A full time job. Its used to earn money so we don't die of starvation." Dean remarked.

"Dean."

"What?"

"It's Christmas. Pretty much everyone is off today." Cas said, his head now poking out from the bathroom door. Dean got up to look out the window. 

Everything was a lot more quiet. Dean felt more at peace. He glanced over his shoulder for a couple of seconds to see Cas staring at him. Dean felt something. He couldn't pinpoint the feeling and he couldn't exactly describe it. Even with the whole hospital incident he felt like he could let that go. Even if it was for a moment. He continued to stare down at the city.

New York was still as busy as ever but it somehow seemed like the city was slowing down. 

The roads were packed yet no noises came from angry drivers. The streets were crowded but there weren't the occasional fist fights. The snow seemed more magical. 

He felt arms wrapping around his waist. A warmth he couldn't describe.

He turned around to face Cas. They were silent. Dean stared at Castiel. Acknowledging everything. Every shade of blue in his eyes. Every cute wrinkle on his face. The messiness of his hair.

When it all came down to it. This was the real Castiel. He wasn't just some guy. Not to Dean. He was someone who has been through a lot in his life yet still finds purpose to keep fighting the fight stronger every time.

"Cas." He said, his voice low. "I love you."

Dean leaned down slightly and pressed their foreheads together almost longingly. Dean's hands landed on Cas's hips. While Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck.

"I love you too." Cas finally replied.

 

★☆★☆★

 

"Hey so when's your family coming over? I mean my dad and Sammy will be here a little later but what about you? Do we need to pick them up or anything?" Dean asked.

"They know where my apartment is. They should be here at around 4 or 5." Cas replied.

Dean laughed a little. "If you were worried about my brother and my dad don't expect me not to be a little intimidated by your dad and your 4 brothers." Dean said. 

"They're all adults Dean. They know how to act and won't try to murder you. I would keep an eye on Gabriel though. He can be a bit...troublesome." Cas said from the living room. 

"That's reassuring. What about your dad?" Dean continued. "He won't have a problem with you. In total honesty, he might be the one intimidated by you." Cas chuckled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Let's just say. He can be all in for anything and I didn't get my homosexuality from my mother."

Dean stopped. "Wait...What?" Dean looked out from the kitchen doorway. 

"Cas," Dean paused. "Is your dad pansexual?" 

Cas simply looked up at Dean with a cheeky smile. "Well, son of a bitch." Dean said flatly.

 

★☆★☆★

 

"Dean they'll be here any minute. Will the food be ready soon?"

"Perfection can't be rushed!" Dean yelled from the kitchen.

There was a knock on the door and Cas went to answer it. He was greeted with 5 familiar faces.

Dean could hear a lot of talking and a little yelling from the kitchen. They sounded a lot more rowdy than Cas described. Dean hoped that they, at the very least, didn't try to immediately kill him.

Dean walked out with plates and began to set the table. He could here everyone greeting Cas in the living room. Though Dean Winchester wasn't one to scare easy, hearing all the deep voices did intimidate him a little.

"Dean? Could you come here for a second?" He heard Cas yell from the living room. "Coming." Dean replied.

He sighed and took off the apron he had on. He walked into the full living room, where he was greeted by 5 unknown faces.

"This is Dean." Cas said with a smile. "Dean, this is Michael," Cas suggested at a man around his height. He had sandy blond hair and pale blue eyes. "Lucifer," he was Dean's height with dirty blond colored hair, and slightly brighter blue eyes. 

"Raphael, he's adopted." Cas had whispered the last part. Raph was an ebony man the height of Castiel, with low cut hair and chocolate eyes. "Gabriel," even though he was older than Cas, he was by far the shortest grown man Dean had ever seen. His hair was brown and he had hazel eyes.

"And this is my father, Chuck." Cas finished. Castiel had a few inches on him in the height department. Chuck had dark hair, a scruffy beard, and bright blue eyes. Of course, his weren't as bright as Cas's, but it was enough for competition.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Dean." Chuck said as he extended his hand. "The pleasure's all mine Mr. Novak." Dean replied as he shook hands with Cas's father. "Chuck will be fine Dean." He stated. Dean nodded and everyone fell into a short pause.

A knock on the door pierced the silence. Dean opened the door to find his family on the other side. He stepped aside to let them in and take in the environment.

"You must be Castiel's father. John Winchester." John said as he headed for Chuck. "Chuck Novak. It's nice to meet you." He replied.

The rest of the hour was spent meeting each other. Dean had gone back to the kitchen to finish preparations while everyone was talking. 

"Food's ready guys." He called from the kitchen. Everyone moved the the dinner table, which to Dean's surprise, had been extended out to make room for everyone. Both families sat as Dean began to place food around the table.

The night went by pretty fast. Everyone got to know each other. Cas's family was well-behaved for the most part. Gabriel acted up the most of course. The occasional biscuit was flung by him if that had anything to say about his maturity.

Lucifer's sass challenged Sam's. Chuck was a giant teddy bear. The remaining two brothers were the most serious, but they were kind of geeky. Sam got along well with them.

They seemed to all be alright with Dean so he stopped worrying halfway through dinner. Everyone was sharing embarrassing stories of each other at this point. It seemed like an actual family reunion instead of a first meeting.

They only stayed until around 11 PM before everyone began heading home. Cas was saying goodbye and letting the remaining individuals out while Dean was in the kitchen washing dishes.

The door closed and everything became quiet again. It wasn't a bad silence. More like a comforting one if anything.

Dean felt Cas's warm hands around his waist.

"See, I told you they wouldn't try to kill you." Dean could feel Cas deliver a kiss to the back of his neck and then felt a tug at Cas's lips.

Dean turned around to face Cas. "I guess I owe you an apology then don't I?" He said with a smile. Cas's reply was a delighted hum as his own smile grew bigger.

"Come here." Dean said as he pulled Cas to the living room. He turned on the stereo and began to play soft Christmas music. 

Dean turned back around to face Cas. Dean took Cas's hand in his own and placed the other on his hip.

They swayed to the soft music for a while. Though it might of only been 15 minutes tops, to them it lasted forever.

It was small moments like this where even though neither said a word, they both expressed their love for each other.

It was the small moments that really made their relationship special. The tiny details like the way Cas looked at Dean when he laughed. The way Dean's fingers would twitch when Cas's tie was messed up. The way that they both fell asleep in each other's arms without saying a word. They didn't need words. Their love went unsaid.


	5. I'm Sorry Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're hardcore, badass, love tortureing yourself, insane, or just completely out of your fucking mind read this while listenening to "Skinny Love" by Birdy on loop.

WHW  
C5

The few months went well for Dean and Castiel. At least it seemed so, everything was more of a blur for Castiel. It's almost as if he didn't remember anything in the past few months. Regardless, Crowley seemed to have stopped bothering them other than unfulfilled threats, but those had stopped a month ago.

Dean had to travel to New Jersey for a possible partnership with another company for 2 weeks. It was going well for them despite being apart. Dean called Cas every night before he went to bed to let him know he was alright.

Until on the second week, a Monday, he didn't call. Cas thought maybe he was a little late. Sometimes he didn't call until 10 but it was never later than that time.

He waited for him to call. It was 11:00 PM when Cas finally called Dean's Cell.

Someone had picked up, but it definitely wasn't Dean. There was a lot of background noise.

"Hello?" The voice called.

"Where's Dean? Is he alright?" Cas spoke in a hurry. His voice was clearly full of panic.

"Sir, I'm sorry to say that Mr. Winchester has gotten into an accident." 

Cas almost dropped the phone. His eyes were filling up with tears.

"What do you mean he's been in an accident? What happened?! What hospital is he in?!" Cas almost yelled through the phone as he got up from bed.

"Sir, please try to stay calm. Mr. Winchester is in AtlantiCare Regional Medical Center in Galloway, New Jersey. We don't know exactly what happened yet. All we know is that Dean has suffered serious injuries. I can explain as soon as you get here, ask for Doctor Lee."

With that Cas hung up and quickly got dressed and grabbed his keys. He got in his car and somehow drove to Galloway in a little under an hour.

He got out of his car and ran into the building. "Excuse me, Doctor Lee asked me to meet her here. If you could point me in her direction, that would be great." He said to the lady at the front desk.

"If you could please have a seat, I will ask her to come down here." She replied.

He thanked her and went to sit in the waiting room. He buried his face in his hands and felt the tears he tried to hold back force their way through. He stayed in the position for what seemed like an eternity.

"Mr. Novak." A woman finally called. Cas looked up and wiped away the few tears that had stained his cheeks.

A woman in a lab coat sat down beside him. "How's he doing Doctor?" Cas's voice cracked as he asked his question.

"He has suffered many hits to the head, chest, and stomach area. It seems as if he was jumped in the street, only they seem to of not taken anything. He still had his wallet, his keys, and his phone. His head injuries are the worst unfortunately, followed by the stomach injuries. He has a few stab wounds in his left leg. Luckily, someone found him before he lost too much blood. Unfortunately, even with the best-case scenario, he is still very badly hurt. The injuries are very serious Mr. Novak. We're doing the best we can to help him, but I need you to understand that he might not make it. I'll try to update you as soon as something comes up." She patted his shoulder and left him.

He hadn't heard from Doctor Lee in over two hours. Castiel was way past worried. He was in a crisis. He tried to keep hope that Dean would make it, but he knew it wasn't very likely. His tears had stopped but his heart was heavy. 

He couldn't shake off the feeling that something had been off. Dean couldn't of been jumped by some random thugs.

He knew Dean was skilled in fighting and could defend himself. There must have been a lot of guys surrounding him, or at least a few big guys for Dean to of been unable to handle them.

Cas was pulled out of his thoughts by the Doctor approaching.

"We've done everything we can for Dean right now. The rest is up to him. You can see him if you like. He's asleep right now but he should wake up soon. Try not to overwhelm him. He's still weak from all the injuries and could get worse than he is now." She explained.

Doctor Lee then proceeded to lead Castiel to Dean's room.

Cas couldn't help but begin to cry once the door shut. It hurt to see him in this state. He had already been in this position because of him and he couldn't bear the thought of him Dean hurt again, much less actually witness it.

It took Dean over an hour to wake up, or so the clock told. Castiel hadn't felt that time had gone by so fast. He knew it should have been agonizingly long, but it was so quick it was a blur to him.

Dean's breathing began to get heavier as he started waking up. "Cas..." Dean said, getting it out barley as a whisper. "I'm here Dean." Cas said as he took Dean's hand.

"Dean what happened?" Cas said as he wiped away some leftover tears. "I...walking to the hotel." Dean's breathing got heavy again. "3 guys. Crowley..."

Dean started coughing harshly. The monitor indicating his heart speeding up rapidly. He sat up quickly before beginning to cough up blood. "Dean? Dean!" Cas stood up quickly and ran towards the door.

"DOCTOR! SOMEONE HELP!" He yelled. Doctors and nurses began to run towards the room minutes after hearing Castiel.

They poured into the room, crowding around Dean. The line went flat with a loud stretched noise.

Castiel's back hit the wall. He slid down as tears began to form in his eyes again.

"WE'RE LOSING HIM!"  
"DEFIBRILLATOR!"  
"Everyone Clear."  
"Clear."

These once loud, yelling voices began to fade in Castiel's mind. The only thought going through his mind now was: "I'm so sorry Dean"

"Alright. Call it."

"time of death. 4:01 a.m."

 

★☆★☆★

 

Castiel woke up in his bed. He was home. In his apartment in New York. All of his pictures of him an Dean were gone. He still had his uncomfortable empty mattress.

He quickly got up and checked the date. December 14.

He sat on the edge of his bed. His face was in his hands. For the first time, Castiel felt truly empty. He cried. For hours.

His phone rang. Castiel wiped away the remaining tears and tried to make his voice sound normal.

"Hello?"

"Hey Castiel. How about we go out tonight. It's been a while since we've had a date." The raspy British voice said over the phone. 

"Uh yeah, I guess." Castiel replied without really paying attention to what he had just agreed to. 

"Are you having those crazy dreams again? Don't bring that stuff up at dinner. Just get over it. You said sometimes it doesn't happen right? Just act like this is one of the times it doesn't." Crowley said over the line.

"Anyway, 6 pm, your favorite." Crowley finished before hanging up.

Castiel let the phone fall to the ground. He had just agreed to meet Crowley. The time he met Dean.

He sighed. He would just going to go to cut it off with him and leave before Dean even has the chance to come over to him.

Kill two birds with one stone. End it with Crowley and avoid more pain. Don't talk to Dean and save his life. Easier said than done. 

6:15

Crowley was late. Again. The whole scene was exactly the same.

The concerned waitress. The apologetic looks from those around. And then he noticed it. The table Dean was sitting at.

He was enjoying a big steak. He didn't look like the type to help random strangers. In fact, it looked like he could care less about anything that was going on around him. 

Then it happened. Dean caught Castiel's gaze. He quickly turned his head and subtlely tried to hide in the booth the waitress had given him.

Maybe if Dean didn't see him he wouldn't come over. That might have been useless since Dean had already noticed him, but Castiel hoped that just maybe he was looking behind him and not at him.

He glanced down at his watch. 6:45. It was time. He knew that this is the time Dean would or hopefully wouldn't come to Castiel's table.

When he looked back up Dean was sitting on the bench in front of him. The waitress came. They ordered the same thing. It was no different than the first time.

"Hey man I'm Dean. I'm sorry whoever was supposed to didn't show up. Maybe i could save you from the embarrassment of leaving alone tonight?" Dean said.

The dialogue was a little different but the actions were the same. Either way, it would end exactly the same.

Castiel only stared at Dean. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen him so pure. It hurt him. Dean didn't know what he had signed up for and he didn't deserve it.

All he wanted was someone to spend the rest of his life with. And he deserved exactly that. He deserved more. He didn't deserve all the violence. All the pain.

"I'm sorry." Castiel whispered. His voiced cracked. "Dean I'm so sorry." Castiel could feel his eyes stinging.

"It's okay man I just want to help you out. Maybe get to know you? I understand if you want me to leave but at least give me a name?" Dean said trying to calm him down.

"C-Castiel." He stuttered out.

"Okay look Cas, you don't need to be sorry. You didn't do anything. At least spend the rest of the night with me? Maybe I could make you feel better?" Dean said, now rubbing Castiel's back.

It took a lot of willpower for him to keep his tears at bay, but he managed. 

"I'm sorry, it's just...you remind me of someone I lost. He was perfect and you're almost exactly like him." Castiel said.

"It's alright. Let me take you mind off all that okay?" Dean said as he kissed the top of his head.

Castiel nodded. They continued the night and even with knowing the results, it was nice to relive it just once more with Dean.

They had finally left the restaurant. "So uh, do you want me to give you a ride back home or did you drive here?" Dean asked rather shyly. 

"I took a cab." Castiel replied.

"Let me take you home." Dean said almost immediately. "I know I already bought you dinner and everything but let me do this please." Dean said.

"Okay."

They drove back on Dean's motorcycle. He walked Castiel to his apartment.

"Listen, I had a great time with you Dean. But...we can't be together. I really want to but we can't." Castiel said as he lowered his head. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I understand Cas. Could we maybe remain as friends?" Dean asked sadly. 

"I'm not sure. Maybe we can work this out. You don't understand this right now but just trust me. If you date me you'll put your father, and Sam and mostly yourself in danger." Castiel explained.

"How did you know my brother's name?" Dean asked, shocked.

"I...I can't explain it right now. I just...maybe one day I'll be able to explain it. I'm sorry Dean." Castiel said as Dean stared at him confused and kind of surprised.

Castiel gave Dean a long and soft kiss. It was just like their first kiss. Maybe even better. It felt the same when it ended. Like it had been brief. Not long enough.

Castiel knew he'd never be able to be with Dean without somehow putting him at risk.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him down to his height. He pressed the side of his head against Dean's. "I love you." He whispered in his ear.

"Don't forget about me please. I love you so much." Castiel continued.

Castiel finally dropped his arms around Dean and went inside.

 

"I'm sorry Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the ending is so much shit omg I'm sorry! Let me know what you guys think.


End file.
